Some might ask, what does 100 days sober feel like? What does it mean to be sober that long? Thing is...being sober is just a part of it.
This morning I received a text from a friend. Before I go into what the text said let me explain who this friend is. We'll call her H for the purpose of this post.
H and I went to school together and were very close from probably the age of 13-17. H was one of those people that was high energy and fun but not in the trouble making sort of way. Her mom was hip (taking us to our first Aerosmith concert), her dad was hilarious and her little brother seemed just normal and we were never annoyed by him. Her parents got along which for me was odd to see and she (and her family) provided me escape from my dysfunctional home life.
One day I decided to be an idiot troubled teenager and pick up on and give into advances made by a boy. A boy she liked? She was dating? Was he an ex? I sadly don't have an accurate account. She found out however and stopped speaking to me. Was awful to me. Very vengeful and spiteful and even if I would have wanted to 'make it right' I did not have that power. Once H had her mind made up, that was it.
We graduated High School 20 years ago not speaking. It wasn't until about 5 years ago, through a mutual friend, that I found out she's still in town, married with twin girls & still despised to even hear my name.
Somehow though, just about 3 years ago now, she reached out on FB and requested to be my friend. I'm not sure what got her to ultimately reach out to me after 17 years...maybe it was seeing her daughters get to the age that made her think of us? I don't know. I haven't wanted to ask. But one electronic conversation lead to another, then a dinner out to break the ice...
That first dinner together, about 3 years ago now, I got to the restaurant first so went to the bar and ordered myself a Maker's Mark Manhattan. You know, to take the edge off. She get's there and orders a PEPSI. You can probably guess the thoughts. "A soda? Really? I mean I know drinking and driving is bad but she still can't have just one? Oh wow, maybe this was a mistake. Uhhgg, is she lame or what?" I remember thinking at the end of the night, I was conflicted. It was great seeing her and hearing about her life but I was thinking "am I really going to do this again?" and it was all based on the fact she didn't drink. Come to find out she just doesn't drink. No issues or problems but just - doesn't (I felt like it was almost seeing a unicorn).
I decided I was good with rekindling this friendship and before I knew it, we were attempting to get together once every month or two. I find out she's truly a miraculous woman, wife and mother. Seriously - I know no one like her. In February I made mention of my decision to quit drinking which was received without an issue or any big deal made.
NOW back to the text I received this morning. It read "By my mathematical calculation, today is 100 days sober!!! It's a tough battle and I'm so proud of you!"
Followed by -> CRYING
I can't explain to you how unexpected that was. But it WAS. I don't recall ever saying a date to her. I don't know how she picked up on it to do her 'mathematical calculation'. I just know all the crap we went through as kids, all the stupid thoughts as an adult I had about how "lame" that first dinner was after 17 years, all the anger I know she harbored and had to let go of to even reach out to me again...and for her to send me that message...it was so heartfelt, so honest...I can't even put to words how overwhelming it was.
So yeah, 100 days. I'm grateful beyond expression for my sobriety but THERE IS ALSO SO MUCH MORE!
Feeling blessed, grateful, happy, thankful, loved, humble, emotional...
Much love, Codette
